SUMMER SERIES 2016 RACE 1 Abbey Dore 1st June

HUNGRY MATT TAKES VICTORY WHILE TEAM IS FOURTH

A dry, rather windy evening down on Merv’s farm saw Matt take a decisive victory with road speedster Charlie Jones, dipping his twinkle toes into off road for the first time, recording a super 3rd spot less than a minute back.

Some spectators were querying why Matt chews his vest towards the finish of races. I can now reveal the reason for this: his vests are made of spun sugar (strawberry-flavoured, naturally) by his other half, the famed confectioner and cake creator. “It’s much easier than taking gels,” says Matt, “and far tastier. But you need to be a bit cautious when bees are about. I got swarmed last year. We’re thinking of marketing the vests soon. After all, every Tom, Dick and Harry is flogging his wares at races nowadays. Kev has already ordered an apple pie-flavoured overcoat.” Prospective purchasers need to be aware that the Wye Valley garments contain cochineal and are almost pure beetle while I gather that Croft like a tang of acorn. It also needs to be borne in mind that ravenous runners are at risk of approaching the finish line and the censorious Mr Blenkinsop in an indecent state. Shorts of this ingredient will therefore not be available, having been trialled by elderly Couriers last year with unpleasant results.

So, with that little conundrum cleared up, back to the race. Third Courier home was Marathon Mudmaster, Paul, using all his strength to register a pb 10th after a fine run. Dave, consistent as ever, was fourth man home in an excellent 16th to complete the male section of the Couriers’ team, now requiring four men and two women. Behind Dave, great to see Keith in action, racing to an impressive 52nd, just ahead of our first woman, Tracy, inevitably, enjoying the hills in 54th. We had a wonderful female Courier turn-out for the event in marked contrast to recent seasons. Roxanne, making her Couriers’ debut, ran well for 56th, on Tracy’s heels while Marathon Queen Sheryl was just nine seconds behind her in 60th, keen to run another couple of laps. Next female Courier in was Amy returning to the fray after more important business, and taking 69th, just two places down on Kev, whom she couldn’t find a way around. “When I got close to him I was enveloped in shadow and there seemed to be negative ions barring my way.”  Kev admitted afterwards to having used a Hoka body pump before the race “to disperse heavy antibodies even though I know that can sometimes backfire.” Our final counter was Vika Engel, also making her Couriers’ debut, in 115th out of a field of 128. She was first junior female but, as an accomplished horsewoman, admitted to wishing she’d had a four-legged friend to accompany her round the course.

Next race is our own Westhope on Wed June 22nd 7.15p.m. when our team should be even stronger. Anyone not racing and able to marshall, please contact Clive.